To drink or not to drink, that is the question.

This week went by very smoothly! My cravings weren't as intense as last week's and I'm starting to feel so much better myself. It seems like my body has finally resigned to its new healthy ways! I've had greek salad, I've had pasta, I've had chicken sandwiches, and I've even had rice and beans (all ungenerously measured of course) with meat! Variety is definitely a key factor when you're dieting. If you eat wheat and greens the whole time, then you'll obviously grow sick and tired and lose faith in carrying on with the whole process. But when you widen your options, you actually welcome lettuce and oatmeal when they hit your plate. It's that simple. Just do your research and you'll find out you can actually eat yummier things that make you feel better than those who don't watch what they're shoving in their mouths. Try it! Google offers more than just celebrity gossip. ;)

So... this week's topic, THE topic: alcohol. After three long weeks of anguish and uncertain abstinence, I finally faced the [fair] possibility of indulging myself. My friends were able to pull me from my sanity for a couple of hours - just for the sake of having a little fun - and I was excited, THRILLED with the idea of tasting alcohol again. (I know I sound like an alcoholic, but I found out just recently that I'm really not. I'm not giving out any details due to it being off topic so you're just gonna have to take my word for it.) So we set up to go to Tapas Y Vinos which is a tapas bar here in Panama where you pay a rather fair bill for all-you-can-drink wine (or sangria) and tapas. It's a great deal and the environment is welcoming! When we arrived, I was scared I wasn't going to be able to live past my first couple of wine... (NOTE! I chose to skip dinner; and let's be honest, 3 weeks? I'd most likely lost ALL immunity) but I found out I was wrong!!! I was handling the drinking like a veteran and I think I might have had an average of 8 glasses - maybe less, maybe more; by the end of it, I had totally lost count. When we payed, we chose to go to a club, and to be honest, I wasn't feeling so sober anymore, so I thought, "I'm not drinking a single drop after this." We got to the club and guess what? I completely cheated myself and drank 2 more glasses of wine (oh, it was white wine; just in case you were wondering - it's chill, it doesn't ridiculously stain your teeth, and, most importantly, it has less calories than red wine). Anyways, the careless decision of extra indulging in wine led to chaos. I'd lost it. I began acting stupid, and I know I got and looked completely shit wrecked. I had drank too much, as usual, and I'd rather not give out any details about the embarrassments and certain situations I had to go through afterward. I'm just going to confess I ruined my phone and ended up taking a cab back home. YES, a taxi. I totally cared shit and, for all I cared, I could have gotten kidnapped worst case scenario. Anyways, this morning I woke up feeling utterly nauseous and like my eyes were gonna pop out. I have to admit, I didn't have as much fun as I thought I would have. It didn't feel as good to have drank. It was just OK, and OK isn't enough for me. I don't know if this feeling is just a phase, but I don't really feel like drinking like I used to anymore. It just seems blah to me as I'm typing this. I'm definitely going to cut it down!

So, yes, I wanted to share this with you. Sometimes we feel like we're going to be the same way for the rest of our lives and that nothing's going to change us and our habits. Truth is that that's all they are... habits. And habits can be replaced with other habits, better habits. All you need is willpower and the determination to do it. I really, really encourage you to try replacing those habits that aren't really letting you move on with new, refreshing ones!

I'm excited for tomorrow... I get to eat a scoop of a cassata ice cream as my weekly treat!!! I know it's not much, but after putting deep thought into it, I'd rather have that than nothing. ;)

I had photos to post from last night and of some of my meals this week, but my phone is in a coma. Sorry!!!

Golf without carbs is NOT an easy game.

It's Sunday night and not much happened today except I played a satisfying 9 holes of golf with my dad. I have you tell you... I was put to the test yet AGAIN. Memories of golf a few years back with my dad hit me hard as I remembered all the nice snacks and drinks I used to have while playing. Chicken fingers with fries and ketchup, beer with Ginger Ale (it tastes so GOOD), Oreos, chocolate bars, mafá (it's a panamanian fried snack/chip type of thing), anyways... everything that screamed Blocked Artery.

This time, I had nothing. Nothing but water, a leftover granola bar (just one, not the two that come in the package, ONE), and my insatiable craving for more. I chose to tell my dad as we played because my focus was starting to shift towards food rather than our game, and he encouraged me to keep up the work I've been carrying for weeks. Later, I caught a glimpse of the man who was playing before us and he was drinking what looked like a deliciously refreshing Balboa (our best national beer, IMO). I gulped and frowned, but I thought, "That bottle contains nothing but empty calories." Empty calories are found in alcohol; they're calories your body doesn't keep or need for absolutely anything but to make you fatter.

Asking my dad for the time wasn't such a good idea. The minute he told me it was past noon, my mind shifted. All I could think about was lunch. So, unfortunately - and I'm truly embarrassed and sorry to admit this - I didn't play 18 holes because I wanted to eat. BAD, BAD, BAD. You should NEVER give up what you're doing because you "want" food. Anyways, we went to the club house and after minutes and minutes of indecision (it's amazing how menus are filled with FAT[ty] foods), I chose to eat a pepper steak. It was very good! It came with smashed potatoes (I only ate 1/4 of the industrial amount they served me) and veggies. I gulped it down with water and finished with a cappuccino (important: sweetened with Splenda). I no longer drink coffee, just tea in the mornings, so a simple dose wouldn't do any damage. I have to tell you I felt so proud to have eaten what I ate. I could've joined my dad with a Balboa: I didn't. I could've had the BBQ menu: I didn't. The end result: FABULOUS. It made me realize why I'm doing this, and how it's ALWAYS worth it in the end. If you're struggling, then it's not the end, you're just being put to the test. So always welcome struggle because it's part of the process of reaching what you want most. And right now I want a freaking healthy, hot, badass body!!

Sunday night dinner:
- diet hot dog (1 turkey sausage, wheat bread, lettuce, onion, ketchup and mustard) Note: Just a little, don't smear them all over like a freaking pig.
- 1 pear
- Clight (Crystal Light's international version)

P.S.: I'll take actual pictures of my meals and temptations next time.

Results from my first two weeks - (Spoiler: They are great!)

I started this process on Feb. 6th. It's been two weeks now and I had my check-up appointment with the nutritionist this morning. The results are awesome, I'm extremely happy and proud of myself.

First off, however, I'd like to share how I went through temptation this morning. So I waited at Super 99 (one of the big supermarket chains here in Panama) for time to pass by before my appointment (there's no way I was going to pay even more money to park at the hospital - at 0.03c the minute, nah-uh) and I realize I had just parked in front of Dunkin' Donuts. Now, I'd like to clarify, it's not that I've ever died for one of their donuts, but somehow this morning it just seemed stupidly appetizing. Just one bite - or two - of their chocolate donut (it's ALL chocolate, not just the icing: dough and all) would have made my floor shake. I decided to smoke a cigarette instead. (YES, I smoke. That's another story, for a different blog.)

Twenty minutes later I arrived at the clinic. I was extremely nervous. What if I'd only lost 2lbs? What if I was disappointed! Anyways, two minutes later I was so relieved to see I had lost 5lbs!!! FIVE. Yes! I lost an average of 2 inches in all my measures, and my body mass dropped from 35.5% to 30.5%. Here are some copies:

It was cute to see the machine congratulate me for my effort! So yes, that's my first step right there. I need to focus on keeping up the work and not fall into temptation (alcohol, cake, you name it).

I can't complain, though. I had pasta and salad for lunch. Yum-oh!

Ready to start + ready to lose!

Alright, so I've decided to start a blog. It's been on my procrastinating mind forever, and I finally found the motivation I needed. This miracle happened thanks to Mariana (follow her @ http://www.featuringtallulah.blogspot.com). I was bbm-ing her (just in case, it's IMing through Blackberry messenger) and telling her about my brand new lifestyle. Yes, I have a new lifestyle and I intend to keep it for as long as I am alive. It's called DIETING. Mmm, haven't we all tried it at least twice in our lives? Yes. But have we kept it? Think. It's always a resolution, always an I'm-gonna-start-on-Monday excuse for more food, always an unstable position. For years and years I've struggled with weight, and the problem was, well, I never thought I had a problem! I was a binge eater, and there was no end to the barrel. I've been thin, and that was when I was 16 years old. I used to weigh 120lbs. I'm 21 one now, and let's just say I've gained an embarrassing amount. I plan on giving away the big number when I reach my goal: -30lbs. (HINT)

See, I was at the supermarket a couple of weeks ago weighing (coincidence) some fruits when the weigh guy very nicely asked, "When's the baby due?" THAT was my cue. I freaked, I panicked, and I almost cried. I'm no walrus, but I'm no skinny bitch either. Either way, I knew it was time to take immediate action. So I went to see my nutritionist that same day (whom I hadn't seen in almost 5 years) and it turns out she has a fitness center where she uses ultrasound, heat & pressure, and NASA used machine to help lose fat. That along with the diet (1300 calories per day) and boxing (yes, I box! except I wouldn't dare fight anyone) should do the trick. It's been two weeks and tomorrow I have my first appointment post-start. I'm gonna be weighed and measured. I will definitely post results. I'm counting on at least -5lbs. Whatever happens, I'm hitting the gym right after!

BTW, it's been two weeks since I've had a drop of alcohol. I'm a heavy drinker. This is noooot an easy thing for me. I'm used to drinking 2 or 3 nights a week. And it's not just 2 or 3 drinks. It goes up to 7 if it's liquor and beer, and up to a bottle of wine if it's wine. As I told a friend, "I feel like I'm in rehab. Uncomfortably healthy."

Anyways, that's it. That's my story right now.