Thank you, muscles?

I have to start this entry by telling you that I have the most bittersweet feeling right now. As you may already know, I had my 3rd appointment w/ with the nutri today, and I was absolutely expecting to have lost at least 5 more pounds. Um... I was wrong?

So, I get to the clinic, and yes, I said in my last entry that I wasn't feeling even a tid bit nervous, and that I was absolutely confident. Well, by the time I got there, I was so antsy that I only wanted to get it over with, so I stepped into the scale embarrassingly quickly. "Dominic, let's see if you've lost any measurements..." The lady told me as she picked up the measuring tape. "If I've lost ANY? I've obviously lost more than any."

She calculated. I got antsy. The scale hesitated. "Don't stop there, scale, move!" One hundred and forty, one hundred and forty two... one hundred and forty one. 141.

Silence.

"That can't be it. That's impossible." I began to panic, and all I really wanted was to cry a little. "Okay, measure me..." I didn't lose one single inch. All measures stayed the same as they were 2 weeks ago. What the bleep had just happened? What about every single drop of sweat I've shed? What about every single piece of food I've passed? "You probably gained muscle." The lady said. What the F?

I sat and waited to be called in because I had gotten there like 15 minutes early. I texted my mom and told her I was about to cry. Thank God they called almost right away because I was about to have a breakdown.

My nutritionist proceeded to use that magical machine which measures your body mass, how much muscle and water you have in your body, etc. Well, people, there HAD to be an explanation behind the tragedy.

"You've lost 10lbs of fat these past two weeks. However, you don't see it reflected in your weight because you've also gained 8lbs of muscle." So that's what it was all about! Now it all made perfect sense! What happened was my body balanced everything, and from now on that I've completely reached an equilibrium in both fat and muscle, my body can proceed to focus on losing only fat rather than gaining that much more muscle. Ta-da!

There are still more good news. Besides having lost 19lbs of fat in a month and gaining 12lbs of muscle, I've also reached the normal percentage of water one should have in their bodies! I started at nearly 50% which is, meh... okay, and I am currently at 57%!!! The normal amount for women is from 50-60%. Yes! Plus... I've jumped out of the RISKY level and into the FAIR level on the chart. My body mass started at 35.3% and it is now at 24.1%!

Here's a picture of what 1lb of fat and 1lb of muscle look like out of your body. YES, people, I used to have 19 of those disgusting yellow fat balls in my body. Now, thanks to the heavens, it's coming down to much less. And I've gained 12 of those metabolism accelerating muscle balls. ;)

I just realized I had to put something next to them so you'd have a reference, but let's just say each one is about the size of a almost two fists put together.

Now, I've still got a LONG way to go. Apparently, whenever I lose 12 more pounds I'll be where I want to be. That's because my body will look and be fit, but it won't be reflected in weight because of all the water and muscle.

So yes! I'm happy... the bitter in the sweet is slowly starting to go away. I didn't go box today because I was too tired, but tomorrow I'm definitely going! My nutri said I had to slow down my boxing routine because apparently it is being extremely effective: hello, look at all the muscle I've gained. So yeah, I'll tone it down a little... just a little, though.

From now on all I've got to do is... KEEP GOING.

Super pumped + forgiven lunch + caffeine induced buying of a thermos.

This morning I woke up early as usual [even though I didn’t have school] and went to boxing classes. I felt super pumped as I drove to the club because my body and my entire me has started to feel satisfyingly fit and healthy these days; so fit and healthy, that I’ve started to believe I’m capable of accomplishing anything. Corny, but I could care less. You see my mind’s standards are set so high right now that I’ve become more demanding when it comes to exercising. I remember when I started boxing; fuck, I was absolutely lame. My spirits were depressingly low, and all I could think about was how much it cost me to breathe while jumping rope and how dizzy I felt after lifting 5lbs weights. Shame on my fatty me! Now, I’m proud to say that the shame has evaporated. I don’t go out of breath when jumping rope, and I certainly do not get dizzy when lifting 5lbs weights. Today I discovered something that sent my confidence to the skies: I felt no discomfort while lifting the green weights – I think they’re 6lbs – so I stepped it up and lifted the blue weights! (If I’m correct, they’re 8lbs – I promise I’ll check the numbers tomorrow). How sick and awesome is that! I have to admit that I secretly congratulated myself. I’m building more and more muscle everyday!

By the way, people! I don’t know how I forgot to tell you, but my training club is hosting a weight loss contest! Yes! And it’s split into 3 categories: Women above 140lbs, women below 140lbs, and men. I’m not telling you under which one of those categories I stand because I’ll reveal my starting weight once I’ve reached my goal. What I do want you to know, though, is that from Monday to Monday I lost 2lbs! And my trainer said that I was one of the leading ladies!!! I have no idea what I’m competing for; I’ll find out soon. And I’ll reveal the final weight on Wednesday after I see my nutritionist because I go by her weight. I’m excited and not nervous at all because I know for a fact that my weight has definitely dropped to a satisfying number. I’m very confident and I’ll let you know how it went ASAP! J See, this is the type of attitude I lacked at the beginning of this process. I doubted myself. Now, I know not to go crazy because slowly, slowly I’ve started seeing results, and the faster you lose, the faster you gain. I’m letting my body slowly get used to everything so that it doesn’t rebel against me anytime soon! My dad told me two weeks ago that whenever I lost 10 more pounds, he’d take me shopping. Talk about motivation! I’ve already got my eye on a few pieces at the mall. ;)

Anyways, yesterday I had a bit of a neurotic attack during lunch. It was what I would call my mom’s idea of cooking a nice meal with her son and daughter while the latter’s diet sat in a corner and watched. “What are we having, Mom?” I asked. “We’re having arroz con guandú* and filet mignon.”

WHAT!!!! Okay, no. That’s completely out of line. That’s unacceptable!! “Mom, you know I can’t eat that.” I tried to contain myself.

“Daughter, use a break. You need to LIVE life and cut yourself some slack every once in a while. Fine, you’ll probably slow down your weight loss process by a few days, so what? You’ll remember how you enjoyed this lunch and that’s worth a lot too!” She snapped, leaving me no choice but to shut up and keep unpacking the groceries. You know, after all, I trust my mom… she knows what’s best for me, right? Mmm.

So we started cooking and I have to admit I was freaking out when my mom asked me to wrap the meat in bacon. I did it slowly and consciously. What was I doing… I was wrapping up my way to fat road. Yes, I was THAT neurotic.

It may come as no surprise to you when I tell you that my mind was feeling brutally greasy by then, so I proceeded to fix the salad in order to sort of freshen up my thoughts. Although not extremely dietetic, it was really good. It had broccoli, grapes, and baby carrots. Wait! It didn’t stop there. We were missing the dressing: One tablespoon of Parmesan Peppercorn Ranch (light) diluted in non-fat simple yogurt and a little bit of mustard. Yum, yes, it was yum! But I could only think about the amount of grapes the salad carried. I was being extremely compulsive keeping track of calories in my mind, and THAT was not good.

“Domi, when you eat, take away the bacon from your meat.” My mom told me, and that put everything back into perspective. I wasn’t pigging out. I was actually sacrificing, I was measuring my quantities, and I was eating balanced. There was nothing to worry about. So, we finally sat down to eat and the food was delightful. It tasted really good and I completely let go of my assaulting thoughts. After all, I did deserve it. What I’m trying to say here, people, is that we don’t have to be slaves to our own eating, even if we’re subject to a diet. The first few weeks, I was like a little robot taking orders from the diet plan, but now that I’ve seen results, and now that I’ve got control of my food (the bitch is no longer controlling me!), that’s when I get to play around and have fun with it. As long as it’s done wisely, then it’s absolutely fine. Besides, it was made with love by mom; you can’t go wrong with that! Lunch = passed and forgiven.

I case you’re wondering about my breakfast this morning, I had All Inklusive cereal with diet milk and a banana, + I gulped it down with black tea. REPLENISHING! However, I made the terrible, TERRIBLE mistake of drinking coffee in the middle of the afternoon. I’m still recovering from the headache and I seriously thought I was going to lose it because I was so shaky. I think my body’s somehow rejecting coffee and I can’t figure out why. I’ve promised myself to do some research on caffeine and keep you posted. I really want to let you caffeine junkies know what I’ve discovered.

So, how am I recovering from the rush? I made good use of something I bought this afternoon. I went shopping, and among the things I got was this ecousable™ thermos. It’s totally useful, it loves the environment, and it’s trendy. I got it at SuperDeportes in Multiplaza (the most famous mall here in Panama) thanks to a friend’s suggestion. I’m now overdosing on water…

*Arroz con guandú is rice with a very Panamanian type of bean. It’s one of the typical dishes here in Panama.

TIP: Girls, you should only eat 1 cup of rice per meal. Boys, well, I think they’re allowed a bit more.

The Biggest Loser? I'd say The Biggest Spirit...

I watched NBC's The Biggest Loser: Couples last night by pure coincidence (you might think I purposely tuned in for the sake of my fitness research, but heeeeey I actually didn't!) and I have to tell you... it got me thinking. First off, I'd like to say I've developed the truest, most honest sympathy for these contestants. They are truly great, real people whose lives have been turned upside down because of their lack of healthy eating 101's. They've gone through life knowing no better than to eat peanut butter & jelly sandwiches followed by cake, Reese's, and frequent [not-so-]happy[-anymore] meals at McDonald's.

You know, one of the biggest and most fruitful gifts our culture has given us is free will. My God, it is absolutely EVERYTHING and has made us what we are today. We totally take it for granted, not realizing that because of it we decide everything, from which movie we're going to see next Wednesday at Cinepolis's 2x1 and what we're gonna wear to Carlos's pool party to whether or not we buy those mouth-watering strawberries covered in white chocolate. And THERE, sweethearts, lies our problem. At least, my problem (if you consider yourself a privileged health guru). I have the freest, most liberal free will (pun intended) that I used to forget that there were brakes and stop buttons in my system. As I've said before, I never thought I had a problem. I always thought I had the right to eat and drink absolutely anything anytime every time. So I kept indulging in brownies and 4 scoops of ice cream like I had the gift of ultimate thinness. But you know what? That shit stopped nearly one month ago. I've gained something I refused to acknowledge before: awareness. And that's ALL it took to change the dangerous course I was taking. When you are aware of what you're doing and how damaging it can be to you, that's when you think twice before hurting yourself. That's when you realize you're actually hurting yourself. And I'm thrilled that those big losers are in fact turning into the biggest fucking winners. I can't even imagine what it most be like to walk around on the streets of this shallow world and feel the stares from people filled with pity and disgust for you. Or have people refuse to speak to you and ignore you because you're fat. I can't even imagine what it's like for people not to be able to do normal things but feel like outcasts instead.

This...

...is awareness.

Seeing things like this just convince me that there are such things as change and hope going around in the world. I thought I was meant to be a bit overweight for a really long time. But now I've seen changes, and I know that little by little I'll achieve my goal.

I have my second appointment with the nutritionist this Saturday. I'm even more nervous than I was last time. I feel that, for some reason, the process has slowed down. It's frustrating, but I keep saying to myself: be patient. So I'll be happy if I've only lost 3lbs; and I'll obviously let you know how it went.

Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll keep cross-training and boxing for you (actually, for me)!!