Thank you, muscles?

I have to start this entry by telling you that I have the most bittersweet feeling right now. As you may already know, I had my 3rd appointment w/ with the nutri today, and I was absolutely expecting to have lost at least 5 more pounds. Um... I was wrong?

So, I get to the clinic, and yes, I said in my last entry that I wasn't feeling even a tid bit nervous, and that I was absolutely confident. Well, by the time I got there, I was so antsy that I only wanted to get it over with, so I stepped into the scale embarrassingly quickly. "Dominic, let's see if you've lost any measurements..." The lady told me as she picked up the measuring tape. "If I've lost ANY? I've obviously lost more than any."

She calculated. I got antsy. The scale hesitated. "Don't stop there, scale, move!" One hundred and forty, one hundred and forty two... one hundred and forty one. 141.

Silence.

"That can't be it. That's impossible." I began to panic, and all I really wanted was to cry a little. "Okay, measure me..." I didn't lose one single inch. All measures stayed the same as they were 2 weeks ago. What the bleep had just happened? What about every single drop of sweat I've shed? What about every single piece of food I've passed? "You probably gained muscle." The lady said. What the F?

I sat and waited to be called in because I had gotten there like 15 minutes early. I texted my mom and told her I was about to cry. Thank God they called almost right away because I was about to have a breakdown.

My nutritionist proceeded to use that magical machine which measures your body mass, how much muscle and water you have in your body, etc. Well, people, there HAD to be an explanation behind the tragedy.

"You've lost 10lbs of fat these past two weeks. However, you don't see it reflected in your weight because you've also gained 8lbs of muscle." So that's what it was all about! Now it all made perfect sense! What happened was my body balanced everything, and from now on that I've completely reached an equilibrium in both fat and muscle, my body can proceed to focus on losing only fat rather than gaining that much more muscle. Ta-da!

There are still more good news. Besides having lost 19lbs of fat in a month and gaining 12lbs of muscle, I've also reached the normal percentage of water one should have in their bodies! I started at nearly 50% which is, meh... okay, and I am currently at 57%!!! The normal amount for women is from 50-60%. Yes! Plus... I've jumped out of the RISKY level and into the FAIR level on the chart. My body mass started at 35.3% and it is now at 24.1%!

Here's a picture of what 1lb of fat and 1lb of muscle look like out of your body. YES, people, I used to have 19 of those disgusting yellow fat balls in my body. Now, thanks to the heavens, it's coming down to much less. And I've gained 12 of those metabolism accelerating muscle balls. ;)

I just realized I had to put something next to them so you'd have a reference, but let's just say each one is about the size of a almost two fists put together.

Now, I've still got a LONG way to go. Apparently, whenever I lose 12 more pounds I'll be where I want to be. That's because my body will look and be fit, but it won't be reflected in weight because of all the water and muscle.

So yes! I'm happy... the bitter in the sweet is slowly starting to go away. I didn't go box today because I was too tired, but tomorrow I'm definitely going! My nutri said I had to slow down my boxing routine because apparently it is being extremely effective: hello, look at all the muscle I've gained. So yeah, I'll tone it down a little... just a little, though.

From now on all I've got to do is... KEEP GOING.

Super pumped + forgiven lunch + caffeine induced buying of a thermos.

This morning I woke up early as usual [even though I didn’t have school] and went to boxing classes. I felt super pumped as I drove to the club because my body and my entire me has started to feel satisfyingly fit and healthy these days; so fit and healthy, that I’ve started to believe I’m capable of accomplishing anything. Corny, but I could care less. You see my mind’s standards are set so high right now that I’ve become more demanding when it comes to exercising. I remember when I started boxing; fuck, I was absolutely lame. My spirits were depressingly low, and all I could think about was how much it cost me to breathe while jumping rope and how dizzy I felt after lifting 5lbs weights. Shame on my fatty me! Now, I’m proud to say that the shame has evaporated. I don’t go out of breath when jumping rope, and I certainly do not get dizzy when lifting 5lbs weights. Today I discovered something that sent my confidence to the skies: I felt no discomfort while lifting the green weights – I think they’re 6lbs – so I stepped it up and lifted the blue weights! (If I’m correct, they’re 8lbs – I promise I’ll check the numbers tomorrow). How sick and awesome is that! I have to admit that I secretly congratulated myself. I’m building more and more muscle everyday!

By the way, people! I don’t know how I forgot to tell you, but my training club is hosting a weight loss contest! Yes! And it’s split into 3 categories: Women above 140lbs, women below 140lbs, and men. I’m not telling you under which one of those categories I stand because I’ll reveal my starting weight once I’ve reached my goal. What I do want you to know, though, is that from Monday to Monday I lost 2lbs! And my trainer said that I was one of the leading ladies!!! I have no idea what I’m competing for; I’ll find out soon. And I’ll reveal the final weight on Wednesday after I see my nutritionist because I go by her weight. I’m excited and not nervous at all because I know for a fact that my weight has definitely dropped to a satisfying number. I’m very confident and I’ll let you know how it went ASAP! J See, this is the type of attitude I lacked at the beginning of this process. I doubted myself. Now, I know not to go crazy because slowly, slowly I’ve started seeing results, and the faster you lose, the faster you gain. I’m letting my body slowly get used to everything so that it doesn’t rebel against me anytime soon! My dad told me two weeks ago that whenever I lost 10 more pounds, he’d take me shopping. Talk about motivation! I’ve already got my eye on a few pieces at the mall. ;)

Anyways, yesterday I had a bit of a neurotic attack during lunch. It was what I would call my mom’s idea of cooking a nice meal with her son and daughter while the latter’s diet sat in a corner and watched. “What are we having, Mom?” I asked. “We’re having arroz con guandú* and filet mignon.”

WHAT!!!! Okay, no. That’s completely out of line. That’s unacceptable!! “Mom, you know I can’t eat that.” I tried to contain myself.

“Daughter, use a break. You need to LIVE life and cut yourself some slack every once in a while. Fine, you’ll probably slow down your weight loss process by a few days, so what? You’ll remember how you enjoyed this lunch and that’s worth a lot too!” She snapped, leaving me no choice but to shut up and keep unpacking the groceries. You know, after all, I trust my mom… she knows what’s best for me, right? Mmm.

So we started cooking and I have to admit I was freaking out when my mom asked me to wrap the meat in bacon. I did it slowly and consciously. What was I doing… I was wrapping up my way to fat road. Yes, I was THAT neurotic.

It may come as no surprise to you when I tell you that my mind was feeling brutally greasy by then, so I proceeded to fix the salad in order to sort of freshen up my thoughts. Although not extremely dietetic, it was really good. It had broccoli, grapes, and baby carrots. Wait! It didn’t stop there. We were missing the dressing: One tablespoon of Parmesan Peppercorn Ranch (light) diluted in non-fat simple yogurt and a little bit of mustard. Yum, yes, it was yum! But I could only think about the amount of grapes the salad carried. I was being extremely compulsive keeping track of calories in my mind, and THAT was not good.

“Domi, when you eat, take away the bacon from your meat.” My mom told me, and that put everything back into perspective. I wasn’t pigging out. I was actually sacrificing, I was measuring my quantities, and I was eating balanced. There was nothing to worry about. So, we finally sat down to eat and the food was delightful. It tasted really good and I completely let go of my assaulting thoughts. After all, I did deserve it. What I’m trying to say here, people, is that we don’t have to be slaves to our own eating, even if we’re subject to a diet. The first few weeks, I was like a little robot taking orders from the diet plan, but now that I’ve seen results, and now that I’ve got control of my food (the bitch is no longer controlling me!), that’s when I get to play around and have fun with it. As long as it’s done wisely, then it’s absolutely fine. Besides, it was made with love by mom; you can’t go wrong with that! Lunch = passed and forgiven.

I case you’re wondering about my breakfast this morning, I had All Inklusive cereal with diet milk and a banana, + I gulped it down with black tea. REPLENISHING! However, I made the terrible, TERRIBLE mistake of drinking coffee in the middle of the afternoon. I’m still recovering from the headache and I seriously thought I was going to lose it because I was so shaky. I think my body’s somehow rejecting coffee and I can’t figure out why. I’ve promised myself to do some research on caffeine and keep you posted. I really want to let you caffeine junkies know what I’ve discovered.

So, how am I recovering from the rush? I made good use of something I bought this afternoon. I went shopping, and among the things I got was this ecousable™ thermos. It’s totally useful, it loves the environment, and it’s trendy. I got it at SuperDeportes in Multiplaza (the most famous mall here in Panama) thanks to a friend’s suggestion. I’m now overdosing on water…

*Arroz con guandú is rice with a very Panamanian type of bean. It’s one of the typical dishes here in Panama.

TIP: Girls, you should only eat 1 cup of rice per meal. Boys, well, I think they’re allowed a bit more.

The Biggest Loser? I'd say The Biggest Spirit...

I watched NBC's The Biggest Loser: Couples last night by pure coincidence (you might think I purposely tuned in for the sake of my fitness research, but heeeeey I actually didn't!) and I have to tell you... it got me thinking. First off, I'd like to say I've developed the truest, most honest sympathy for these contestants. They are truly great, real people whose lives have been turned upside down because of their lack of healthy eating 101's. They've gone through life knowing no better than to eat peanut butter & jelly sandwiches followed by cake, Reese's, and frequent [not-so-]happy[-anymore] meals at McDonald's.

You know, one of the biggest and most fruitful gifts our culture has given us is free will. My God, it is absolutely EVERYTHING and has made us what we are today. We totally take it for granted, not realizing that because of it we decide everything, from which movie we're going to see next Wednesday at Cinepolis's 2x1 and what we're gonna wear to Carlos's pool party to whether or not we buy those mouth-watering strawberries covered in white chocolate. And THERE, sweethearts, lies our problem. At least, my problem (if you consider yourself a privileged health guru). I have the freest, most liberal free will (pun intended) that I used to forget that there were brakes and stop buttons in my system. As I've said before, I never thought I had a problem. I always thought I had the right to eat and drink absolutely anything anytime every time. So I kept indulging in brownies and 4 scoops of ice cream like I had the gift of ultimate thinness. But you know what? That shit stopped nearly one month ago. I've gained something I refused to acknowledge before: awareness. And that's ALL it took to change the dangerous course I was taking. When you are aware of what you're doing and how damaging it can be to you, that's when you think twice before hurting yourself. That's when you realize you're actually hurting yourself. And I'm thrilled that those big losers are in fact turning into the biggest fucking winners. I can't even imagine what it most be like to walk around on the streets of this shallow world and feel the stares from people filled with pity and disgust for you. Or have people refuse to speak to you and ignore you because you're fat. I can't even imagine what it's like for people not to be able to do normal things but feel like outcasts instead.

This...

...is awareness.

Seeing things like this just convince me that there are such things as change and hope going around in the world. I thought I was meant to be a bit overweight for a really long time. But now I've seen changes, and I know that little by little I'll achieve my goal.

I have my second appointment with the nutritionist this Saturday. I'm even more nervous than I was last time. I feel that, for some reason, the process has slowed down. It's frustrating, but I keep saying to myself: be patient. So I'll be happy if I've only lost 3lbs; and I'll obviously let you know how it went.

Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll keep cross-training and boxing for you (actually, for me)!!

To drink or not to drink, that is the question.

This week went by very smoothly! My cravings weren't as intense as last week's and I'm starting to feel so much better myself. It seems like my body has finally resigned to its new healthy ways! I've had greek salad, I've had pasta, I've had chicken sandwiches, and I've even had rice and beans (all ungenerously measured of course) with meat! Variety is definitely a key factor when you're dieting. If you eat wheat and greens the whole time, then you'll obviously grow sick and tired and lose faith in carrying on with the whole process. But when you widen your options, you actually welcome lettuce and oatmeal when they hit your plate. It's that simple. Just do your research and you'll find out you can actually eat yummier things that make you feel better than those who don't watch what they're shoving in their mouths. Try it! Google offers more than just celebrity gossip. ;)

So... this week's topic, THE topic: alcohol. After three long weeks of anguish and uncertain abstinence, I finally faced the [fair] possibility of indulging myself. My friends were able to pull me from my sanity for a couple of hours - just for the sake of having a little fun - and I was excited, THRILLED with the idea of tasting alcohol again. (I know I sound like an alcoholic, but I found out just recently that I'm really not. I'm not giving out any details due to it being off topic so you're just gonna have to take my word for it.) So we set up to go to Tapas Y Vinos which is a tapas bar here in Panama where you pay a rather fair bill for all-you-can-drink wine (or sangria) and tapas. It's a great deal and the environment is welcoming! When we arrived, I was scared I wasn't going to be able to live past my first couple of wine... (NOTE! I chose to skip dinner; and let's be honest, 3 weeks? I'd most likely lost ALL immunity) but I found out I was wrong!!! I was handling the drinking like a veteran and I think I might have had an average of 8 glasses - maybe less, maybe more; by the end of it, I had totally lost count. When we payed, we chose to go to a club, and to be honest, I wasn't feeling so sober anymore, so I thought, "I'm not drinking a single drop after this." We got to the club and guess what? I completely cheated myself and drank 2 more glasses of wine (oh, it was white wine; just in case you were wondering - it's chill, it doesn't ridiculously stain your teeth, and, most importantly, it has less calories than red wine). Anyways, the careless decision of extra indulging in wine led to chaos. I'd lost it. I began acting stupid, and I know I got and looked completely shit wrecked. I had drank too much, as usual, and I'd rather not give out any details about the embarrassments and certain situations I had to go through afterward. I'm just going to confess I ruined my phone and ended up taking a cab back home. YES, a taxi. I totally cared shit and, for all I cared, I could have gotten kidnapped worst case scenario. Anyways, this morning I woke up feeling utterly nauseous and like my eyes were gonna pop out. I have to admit, I didn't have as much fun as I thought I would have. It didn't feel as good to have drank. It was just OK, and OK isn't enough for me. I don't know if this feeling is just a phase, but I don't really feel like drinking like I used to anymore. It just seems blah to me as I'm typing this. I'm definitely going to cut it down!

So, yes, I wanted to share this with you. Sometimes we feel like we're going to be the same way for the rest of our lives and that nothing's going to change us and our habits. Truth is that that's all they are... habits. And habits can be replaced with other habits, better habits. All you need is willpower and the determination to do it. I really, really encourage you to try replacing those habits that aren't really letting you move on with new, refreshing ones!

I'm excited for tomorrow... I get to eat a scoop of a cassata ice cream as my weekly treat!!! I know it's not much, but after putting deep thought into it, I'd rather have that than nothing. ;)

I had photos to post from last night and of some of my meals this week, but my phone is in a coma. Sorry!!!

Golf without carbs is NOT an easy game.

It's Sunday night and not much happened today except I played a satisfying 9 holes of golf with my dad. I have you tell you... I was put to the test yet AGAIN. Memories of golf a few years back with my dad hit me hard as I remembered all the nice snacks and drinks I used to have while playing. Chicken fingers with fries and ketchup, beer with Ginger Ale (it tastes so GOOD), Oreos, chocolate bars, mafá (it's a panamanian fried snack/chip type of thing), anyways... everything that screamed Blocked Artery.

This time, I had nothing. Nothing but water, a leftover granola bar (just one, not the two that come in the package, ONE), and my insatiable craving for more. I chose to tell my dad as we played because my focus was starting to shift towards food rather than our game, and he encouraged me to keep up the work I've been carrying for weeks. Later, I caught a glimpse of the man who was playing before us and he was drinking what looked like a deliciously refreshing Balboa (our best national beer, IMO). I gulped and frowned, but I thought, "That bottle contains nothing but empty calories." Empty calories are found in alcohol; they're calories your body doesn't keep or need for absolutely anything but to make you fatter.

Asking my dad for the time wasn't such a good idea. The minute he told me it was past noon, my mind shifted. All I could think about was lunch. So, unfortunately - and I'm truly embarrassed and sorry to admit this - I didn't play 18 holes because I wanted to eat. BAD, BAD, BAD. You should NEVER give up what you're doing because you "want" food. Anyways, we went to the club house and after minutes and minutes of indecision (it's amazing how menus are filled with FAT[ty] foods), I chose to eat a pepper steak. It was very good! It came with smashed potatoes (I only ate 1/4 of the industrial amount they served me) and veggies. I gulped it down with water and finished with a cappuccino (important: sweetened with Splenda). I no longer drink coffee, just tea in the mornings, so a simple dose wouldn't do any damage. I have to tell you I felt so proud to have eaten what I ate. I could've joined my dad with a Balboa: I didn't. I could've had the BBQ menu: I didn't. The end result: FABULOUS. It made me realize why I'm doing this, and how it's ALWAYS worth it in the end. If you're struggling, then it's not the end, you're just being put to the test. So always welcome struggle because it's part of the process of reaching what you want most. And right now I want a freaking healthy, hot, badass body!!

Sunday night dinner:
- diet hot dog (1 turkey sausage, wheat bread, lettuce, onion, ketchup and mustard) Note: Just a little, don't smear them all over like a freaking pig.
- 1 pear
- Clight (Crystal Light's international version)

P.S.: I'll take actual pictures of my meals and temptations next time.